Paul Jennings' Unbeatable Collection
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Available in store from Thursday 21st June.
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It's Unreal... The flies were up to my armpits and they were still falling. I was scared out of my wits. I didn't want to drown in a sea of flies. It's a bit much really. A reunion of bones. The irresistible kisser. Wonder underpants. Cow-dung custard.
A peek at the Unseen... This is unbelievable. This is unreal. What is going on here? First I get a toilet seat stuck around my face and now this little parrot is following me around. Unseen events like... the dead coming back to life, escaping a man-eating ghost, growing spare fingers, and cheating the fate that awaits you.
I'm Uncovered... I try to hide my nakedness with my hand. But it doesn't work. Everyone can see. Also on show... Bad rabbit Habits. Rapt - in toilet paper. Birds with teeth. A live face on the wall.
Unmentionable? Sure. But I'll try to tell you anyway. The sludge in that tanker was the stuff of nightmares. My nightmares as it turned out. Some things you just cant talk about... Locked in the loo; Kissing a cold. cold kid; Being a little squirt; Burning your behind.
I stared at Dad's eyes through the gas mask and remembered our handshake. A deal is a deal. With pounding heart, I walked into the soggy, wet mouth of the dead whale. It's uncanny... turning into a dung beetle, catching someone else's tattoos, being in bed with a ghost who tickles, seeing a flying dog.
Unbelievable? Maybe. But I'm telling you it's true. The crusher had pushed all the air out of my lungs. It was squeezing me tighter and tighter. I know I had only seconds to live. Believe it or not... A kid can grow younger; Birds can bury you; Ghosts have exams; There are eyes in the milk.
It's Unbearable... The bird's perch is swinging to and fro and hitting me on the nose. I can see my eye in its mirror. Unbearably weird... You have the foulest feet ever; There are flies for lunch; A goat swallows your opal; And you have lived before.
I'm Undone... Yes. I know. I'm a fink. A rat. A creep. Nobody likes Eric Mud and it's all my own fault. But I don't deserve this, do I? Plans come undone. Zips come undone. Bullies come undone. And so will the readers who try to predict the endings of these eight weird and wonderful stories.
Number of Pages1249
Brand NamePenguin Books
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